ACCENT ON RUGS

It was another typical day. Wake up at 1am. Do some prayers. Get my books and notes ready. Get something to eat, just to give some energy to my little precious Mr. Brainy. Then start the revision. Lalala.. Sleep at 7/8pm after my isya prayer. Oh, I'm still used to my Malaysian biological clock by the way. Can't help it. Huhu..

I was listening to nasyid.fm when this lyric suddenly caught my attention: "Akukan kembali pada-Mu Rabbi.. Mengadap-Mu Ya Rabbul Izzati" and at that time, I just realised how much I have missed my usrah, going to programmes, listening to ceramahs etc etc..

"Kadang-kadang terpikir gak, napelah na buat medic" I told my sis. I love medicine. But sometimes it's just too much. 3 years of medicine. 17 modules I have learned so far. And all those things that I learnt in school will be cramped into ONE PAPER. 3 years of learning for JUST ONE PAPER. (Fine, for the rest of my career, of course.) Mind you, it's not a module-based questions. They can ask you (I mean, ME) JUST ANYTHING! Ok.. *calm down, dina.. calm down..*

Anyway, life goes on. "yg penting, Allah loves you, your family all love you and support you.. stress and tears are part of med school.. insyaAllah Allah will give you strength to get through.." said my sis. Couldn't agree more. Thanx a lot sis!

It's not the end of everything isn't it? I'm just cuak, tepu, tak tahu nak baca apa sebab dah baca semua tp tak ingat. Sigh.. It's just Phase One exam, the one and only exam that determines whether you (I mean, ME) am qualified for the next clinical phase. Oh well.. Life goes on.. Sampai mati, tak tahu bila.

Wahai Tuhan yang Maha Pemurah
Terangilahku dengan Nur Iman-Mu
Hanya Engkau tempat aku berserah
Mohon maghfirah di dalam syahdu

Wahai Tuhan yang Maha Pengasih
Ampunilah segala dosaku
Laksana buih di laut memutih
Hanyut ditelan gelombang nafsu

Hari-hari yang telah aku lalui
Ingin kutinggalkan terus bersemadi

Ingin aku kembali kepada fitrah insani
Tak sanggupku jelajahi rimba duniawi
Bebaskanlah diriku dari dibelenggu
Dosa noda nafsu durjana

Terimalah taubatku Ya Allah
Pimpinlah daku ke jalan redha-Mu
Moga sinar-Mu terangi hidupku
Di dalam kegelapan

Akukan kembali pada-Mu Rabbi
Mengadap-Mu Ya Rabbul Izzati
Segala ketentuanku pasrahkan
Di hujung penghayatan

-Kembali by Far East

"Phase One exam is just another phase of life. It comes with the same amount of air you breath in and out, with the same dimentional space you fit in. It differs just a little bit by extra knowledge you have understood, remembered and memorised. Have been struggling and doing your best, it's your time now to let Him do the rest of the job. Usaha, Tawakkal & Doa, the combination therapy, with which you won't be worried too much. Life goes on, sis. Cheer up!"

Bak kata orang, terima kasih! Bak kata orang kampung saya, cheers mate!

I've eaten breakfast and am sat in the lounge, hunched over The Herald, failing to do the crossword. This is my morning tradition. One day I'm going to complete the crossword. And on that day, my brains will come down my nose.

A Techy course chatters on the couches behind me. One of them slumps into the upholstery.

"Oh GOD - I feel like I've been here FOREVER."

An artery begins to twitch in my temple as I turn round.

"Forever?"

"Yeah."

"You're on....what? Week three?"

"Yeah."

Synapses fire, I wrestle to keep my voice even.

"I'm starting week thirteen, total time here. After three weeks WE'RE allowed to start going crazy; YOU should still be bouncing about and having fun. Your tolerance should still be high enough to be smiling through it all. I, on the other hand, am beginning to fantasise about riding a tricycle up and down the geometrically carpetted corridors upstairs. I've got a typewriter all inked and ready. I'm super fly TNT. Another ten weeks in here? Fuck no, not today, thank you kindly."

They stare at me. I smile, pop the creases back into the paper and stride off to class.

An A&E senior doctor delivers an excellent lecture on trauma, explaining and illustrating all the hellish complicated physics bits with real life examples. He then talks us through assessing a trauma patient, we feverishly scribble down notes and points he raises as "important". He'll be assessing us at the end of the week, so it's only wise to do it 'his' way

He's friendly, easy-going and pragmatic - "We're nothing more than inflated mechanics, we just put air and water in the machine in increasingly clever ways." - and when we laugh at his attempts to draw pictures he laughs back and invites us all to fuck off.

Lecturers like this, I could get used to.

We spend the afternoon revising his lesson, I discover "Don Juan Syndrome" - a combination of bilateral broken heels and spinal damage, most commonly found in people who jump from upstairs windows and balconies.

Ahhh medics, sick fuckers to the end.

Benito rolls into the classroom and asks me - "Aramis? Who's that?"

I tell him.

"Why Aramis? We googled it, it's a wee bird thing with long legs and a big nose, he's not happy."

I realise I've mispelled it - I KNEW I couldn't spell D'Artagnan (see?) but thought I'd made a good stab of it. I explain the situation and avoid having my head kicked in by the teaching staff.